More Than an Athlete: Separating Identity and Performance

Have you ever been asked what you like to do and responded with something like this:

“I am a soccer player”

“I am an artist”

“I am an accountant”

“I am a dancer”

“I am [insert sport or job title]”

For many athletes, we become our sport.

We live, breath, and cherish everything about it. It becomes part of who we are.

I am no exception. I’ve been playing soccer since I was 5 years old, played through High School, and was able to play 4 years collegiately.

At the end of my playing days I found myself asking, “What now?”

I knew for me and my journey, I wanted to stay connected to soccer and made plans to be a teacher so I could continue my journey with the sport.

I have been lucky enough to be a coach at the collegiate, high school and youth level since my playing days concluded.

For others, it isn’t that simple.

Maybe you have to leave the sport due to injury, or at the end of your career there are no options for you to transition to the coaching side.

Either way, at some point in many athletes’ careers, they are faced with the complication of trying to figure out who they are without their sport as an identifier.

We become so wrapped up in our ability and skill within a sport that the line can be blurred of WHO WE TRULY ARE when we are left without it.

There is incredible strength in the passion and dedication you can give to your sport, but it can become dangerous when it feels that our worth is fully dependent on our performance or titles.

From a young age, we craved the praise of our athletic ability and enjoyed receiving approval and positive attention from playing our sport.

This connection between sport and positive attention could make us believe that our worth and value as a person is tied to how well we perform, how hard we push, what we achieve, and how many wins we collect.

But - you were SOMEONE before you started your sport, and you are still SOMEONE when it’s over.

So I would challenge you to answer differently when asked what you like to do or asked what sport you play:

“I am a soccer player” “I play soccer / I coach soccer”

“I am an artist” “I create art”

“I am an accountant” “I analyze and report financial data”

“I am a dancer” “I enjoy and train in dance.”

“I am [insert sport or job title]” “I [verb] and [describe what you do]”

Although this shift in language seems small, it can create a big change in how you view yourself.

Instead of tying your entire identity into what you do, reframe and describe the actions you take to recognize you are SOMEONE doing these things and have the ability to do other things beyond your sport.

It’s important to note, ,you can LOVE your sport and also build your life beyond the sports arena.

When your sense of self is not dependent on the quality of your performance, it allows you to express yourself more freely, take risks, bounce back faster from mistakes, and enjoy the process.

You are so much more than an athlete.

You are a multidimensional human with a wide skill set who just happens to play a sport.

And yes, playing a sport can help build your skill, character and leadership skills, but it is not your entire identity.

If you struggle with this in your own life, challenge yourself to build self-awareness and explore more of who YOU are:

1) Reflection outside of your sport - commit to start a journaling practice, meditation practice and or simply talk with someone you trust to question and recognize your true values, interests and dreams that have nothing to do with your sport.

You could journal or ruminate these questions:

• Who am I when I’m not competing or training?

• What do I love about myself that has noting to do with my performance?

• What values are most important to me - and where did those come from?

• What kind of impact do I want to make in the world beyond my sport?

• What are some topics, hobbies, or causes I’ve always wanted to explore?

• What have I learned about myself through sport - and how I can apply this elsewhere?

• What would I say to a younger version of myself who thought their worth was based on performance?

2) Try something new - being a beginner at something is not easy, but to grow and explore who you are it can help find new avenues of things you enjoy. Pick a hobby, learn a skill, or volunteer to help a non-profit organization. Discover what lights you up and excites you outside of a sports competition.

3) Build your circle or “board of advisors” - Spend time with people who see you fully - not just an athlete. Find people are willing to remind you of your worth outside of sport, but are also able to be honest and open when you need advice. Find people that help you remember that you ARE enough, no matter what.

Growth starts with discomfort.

Just know: you are not alone.

Many have ended their sports career and have been lost and depressed as they start the journey to figure out who they are.

You are not “less than” once you are no longer playing.

If anything you are “more than” from stepping outside your comfort zone, learning, and growing as a person in a sport that has enriched your life experience.

Your playing experience can be a reminder of how capable you are as a person to learn and grow new skills - with or without the jersey.