Learning to Overcome Perfectionism
For what seems like my entire life, I have been crippled with the intrinsic expectation to be perfect.
🎒Trying to get perfect grades in school (and competing against my twin sister).
🥅 Scoring all the goals in my youth soccer games.
🧹Preparing my living space so tidy and “perfect” before guests come over.
🧱Even down to trying to make this newsletter perfect in all the ways I can think possible.
Being a perfectionist can be quite exhausting and leaves little room for grace.
As I continue my battle against perfectionism, I know that others deal with some of these issues too.
Perfectionism can come in a myriad of levels and can affect performers in any sport or field of work.
For me, my perfectionism is rooted in my desire to be the best and to always be in control.
Even typing that sentence out, it seems ridiculous.
I have led myself to believe that perfection is possible, but it’s not.
My perfectionism has stifled my progress - from not letting go of past mistakes to being crippled with mundane details that could be completed quickly with imperfections.
An idea I’ve learned to adopt in my life is being okay with “B-” work versus “A+” work every time.
I have found myself spending hours on the smallest of details instead of working on the big picture.
Do those details matter? Sure.
But was the hyperfocus and immense time working on those details suppressing my progress? Absolutely it was!
“Well if I can just get it perfect then I can move on,” is something I would tell myself. But then I would spend hours on the details just to procrastinate on the full project.
Perfectionism shows up in our everyday life and can trickle into our performance as athletes.
The mindset shifts I have been working to adopt are:
🕊️giving myself grace when things aren’t perfect and don’t go as planned.
➡️ being adaptable after mistakes and not beating myself up about it.
📝being okay putting B- work out into the world (instead of A+ each and every time).
Because perfectionism is so deep rooted for some of us, I know from experience it takes time to combat perfectionism around every turn.
I don’t see a problem in striving to be the best in whatever I do, but I do see a problem in letting perfectionism cripple any and all progress I make.
Mistakes are going to happen.
Adversity is going to surface.
Imperfect performances is all we can achieve, because there will always be a mishap somewhere.
Learning to be more adaptable and resilient during imperfect results is what ACTUALLY makes a better performer.
The pressure we put on ourselves can sometimes be suffocating. It can be disheartening and disappointing.
My first recollection of being a perfectionist was when I was in 2nd grade. We were writing a story on a penguin shaped paper. When we were done writing we were able to color in the penguin.
I remember holding my black colored pencil and frivolously coloring in until there was no white paper peeking through. I was immersed in my work.
After some time had passed, I felt a tap on my shoulder and my teacher said,
“Meredith, it’s time to finish. We are ready to move on.”
I look around to see all my classmates on the carpet, patiently waiting for our next activity.
I had been so obsessed and focused on coloring a perfect penguin that I hadn’t even noticed I was the last one still working.
This is my first memory of putting an unrealistic pressure on myself.
As I think back and try to pinpoint the root of my perfectionism, it is hard to determine. My parents always had high expectations, but I don’t feel they expected me to be perfect.
I believe it started from an internal motivation that I fostered in myself.
Whether you are coloring a penguin or getting ready for the biggest competition of your life, perfectionism can be crippling to our progress and performance.
I don’t think there is a “cure” to perfectionism, but there are ways to shift perspective and manage perfectionism in a healthy way.
We sometimes think if we can just try harder or if we can hyperfocus on the skills we think matter most, that it will make us better and perform at our best.
But those beliefs sometimes create the opposite results.
We go into competitions with immense pressure (internally or externally) and play while being uptight, worried, and nervous.
Trying harder, longer, and more is not always the answer.
Sometimes, the answer is to loosen the grip, smile, and accept that you are human and mistakes WILL happen.
Some of us have a deep rooted fear of failure and making mistakes in front of others. This intrinsic belief can be hard to shift, but it is possible!
We can be paralyzed by our perfectionism so much that it can be disguised as procrastination.
We want to have full control of the outcome that it stops us from actually making progress towards what we want.
When we are able to give grace and allow for more mistakes during competition or when completing a project, we are able to connect with humanity on a deeper level.
If you struggle with perfectionism, here are tools to use next time you are getting ready to perform:
Identify and name your perfectionism. This simple step can help create space between you and your perfectionism. You are NOT your perfectionism and naming it can take away some it’s power.
Rehearse possible mistakes. Mistakes WILL happen, but instead of avoiding them, welcome them and even rehearse them. What’s the worst mistake you could make? Then rehearse or visualize how you will bounce back and keep going.
Remember why you compete. We all compete for different reasons. Remembering WHY you are playing and competing can help to stay grounded in keep things in perspective.
Focus on what you can control. The way you respond, your thoughts, self-talk, attitude and effort are all things you can control. Anything outside of your circle of control should not be your focus.
Set achievable targets. Instead of striving for a “perfect” game, focus on 1 to 2 events you know you can complete. For example, in a soccer game setting a target like “I’m going to complete 3 passes” or “I’m going to have 4 shots in the first half” can help work towards the bigger goal of winning the game while boosting your self-esteem when you are able to achieve these targets.
You are not perfect. No body is perfect. Overcoming perfectionism requires intention, practice, and time.
Be brave enough to be honest with yourself when you are struggling with perfectionism.
Consider using these strategies to work through it and play your best!
